Monday, April 12, 2010

News Brief

Militia Leader with Plans to Attack Congress, Surrenders Self, Wife

April 3, 2010
AP – Silver Town, ID

Militia leader and long-time critic of the federal government Dillon Peterson surrendered to surprised officials on April 2 at 11:32 am. Local police, who weren’t even aware of the existence of the militia group “Fortia et Patere,” founded by Peterson and his wife Dianna, that had over thirteen members. The group, who called themselves “Fortia” had stockpiled over two-hundred firearms and thirteen-thousand rounds of ammunition. Most startling was the revelation that Fortia had begun to draw up plans for storming the Idaho state legislation sometime in the next month. Immediate action was taken by local police to round up other Fortia members, but at present, only the Petersons are in police custody.

When questioned about his motives for turning himself in, Peterson remained silent except to say that he had obtained proof that the federal government was amassing a formidable “strike force” and a “huge metal building” that he claimed would “fly all over the [entire] country and make us all join in this Socialist revolution. They're going to MAKE you join 'em, make you 'become one" with 'em. And they're all 'don't resist'! Well, it’s [unacceptable], is what it is! I'll resist as long as I [darn] well have my guns!” Peterson, who appeared to be under extreme duress, tested negative for alcohol and drugs, and is now undergoing psychiatric evaluation and no longer is in possession of his firearms.

Diana Peterson, was more vocal about the circumstances surrounding the Petersons turning themselves in: “We all saw that government place, with their big spiky box. You never saw such a building. And all those illegal aliens walking all around with guns and we thought, ‘No sir, not in MY America.’ And so I went back to the car to radio to the rest of the group and Dillon, he and Tripper and Jordy, they all went up to do some investigatin'. Well, I still don’t know what happened, but Dillon, he comes back all alone and says, ‘Di, we’re givin’ up. They win. We can’t fight ‘em no more.’ I asked and asked what had happened to Tripper and Jordy and to Dillon’s M16 and his Sig pistol and he just clammed up and shook his head. We just got in the car and drove straight here and I wanna know what [in heaven’s name] we are doin’ submittin’ to a socialist government that's gonna bring illegal aliens to your house and make you do what they say!”

At the insistence of the Petersons, police drove out to the site of the “huge metal building” but found nothing but what appeared to the be remains of a fresh, open-pit excavation. Investigation into the excavation and the missing members of Fortia is ongoing.

1 comment:

  1. I think this is my favorite part. The Borg is a socialist conspiracy!

    ReplyDelete